It’s 9:28 p.m.
To blog or shower? Or go to sleep and try to get in a few minutes of rest before the next feeding?
Tonight I decided to blog and shower. (Maybe I’ll get in a few minutes of sleep if I type quickly!)
I am still heartily enjoying my precious newborn baby, but I’m starting to battle a bit of the baby blues I think. I think that my lack of sleep lately has started to wear me down at this point. I have been incredibly blessed to be able to nap almost every day, but overall my body is definitely protesting the loss of uninterrupted sleep at night.
Add to this the fact that little Gabriel has been painfully needy and whiny lately.
I am praying right now for the grace to walk this time in my life like the famous “Proverbs 31 woman,” who is “clothed with strength and dignity; [and] can laugh at the days to come” (Proverbs 31:25). (I laugh at the “laugh at the days to come” part almost every time. What a challenge!)
As for strength, I feel like a total wimp at least once each and every day right now. Having children is an instant, demanding, compelling lesson in unselfishness. Raising little ones is a constant demand on your time, energy, mind and body, and it can be exhausting! It can also be humbling.
Make that it also is humbling.
I’ve been struggling with that aformentioned “wimp” feeling because I feel like I should be trusting God more, that I shouldn’t be so overcome by one whiny toddler and one hungry two-week-old. Maybe God wants me to feel overwhelmed a little though, to remind me that I need Him and that I can’t do a single thing well without Him. Laura Story’s song “Blessings” is on the radio a lot right now, and the chorus always gets me:
“What if your blessings come through raindrops?/
What if your healing comes through tears?/
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?/
What if the trials of this life are your blessings in disguise?”
Despite it all, I do definitely feel the dignity of the Proverbs 31 woman. I am blessed to have a family and community that has made me feel beautifully noble and respected as a mother, by their words and actions. The encouragement of that community and especially all of the help with meals during the last two weeks have been wonderful. I want to write everyone a long and special thank you note–when I get some time! 🙂
It’s 10:15 p.m. This blog post unfortunately shows that I apparently would rather shower and blog than write those thank you notes. If you’re reading this and you’re a friend or family member who dropped off a precious meal for us, please bear with me in the days to come. And consider laughing with me too. 🙂