Trust with a smile

Well, away we go. From NASA, that is. We are about to enter our very first week of being completely self-employed.

A four-day work week, to boot. I think this bodes well. 🙂

Like I’ve explained before, God frequently uses many “little” affirmations and coincidences to point me where He wants me on things. In prayer, lately, I have continuously felt God calling me to trust, trust, trust.

Case in point: right now, I’m reading Fr. Michael Gaitley’s book, Consoling the Heart of Jesus. My friend Staci told me about this wonderful book a few months ago and actually mailed me a copy of it. I had lost my place in the book when I opened it again last week, and as I was flipping through the pages, my eyes stopped dead on a passage and meditation that spoke powerfully to me in that moment. I had been having a very rough week with the kids, coupled with (I’ll admit it…) anxiety about The Big Job Change.

I just love this cover image. The little child wrapping his arms around Christ is so perfect…

A few of the little passages that spoke to me:

“…He wants our trustful smile as we spiritually sit at the foot of the Cross while accepting our own small sharing in it.”

“As he said to one mystic, Sr. Consolata Betrone, ‘You, worry only about loving me, and I will take care of everything else to the smallest detail.”

“…If we stay fixed on our goal, he’ll take care of all our cares, all those who are dear to us, and much more than we can imagine.”

One of the words that hit me the most was “smile.” Putting on, even forcing, a smile when you are struggling in some moment of your life gives glory to God–and consoles the burning heart of His Son–by that little act of trust. How amazing. How easy and yet sometimes so hard at the same time.

After my prayer and reading that day last week, I worked hard for the rest of the week to–if nothing else–put on a smile. I tried to smile while dealing with a rowdy, temper-tantrum-ey toddler at daily mass. And while trying to prepare and feed breakfast, lunch, dinner and two-snacks-a-day with a teething, constantly-fussing 8-month-old and an impatient toddler in tow. And while struggling to work with Michael on some business to-dos that required us to put our heads together in a way that, well, butt our heads together a little.

Gabriel’s godfather is our friend Adam Trufant, who put out a CD with his band Brother Brother a couple of years ago called Alive. I came across the CD and put it on the in the van a few days ago. Wouldn’t you know that one of my favorite songs on the CD has the line, “Can I borrow Your smile?”

We tread a fine line,

Between hope and hopelessness

But there is one thing, puts my heart to rest.

You know they say that the worlds gone cold;

I’m gonna be the one to be so bold and say:

Everybody’s talkin’

‘bout the wars and the weather

But I don’t wanna be down–

Can I borrow your smile?

Can I borrow your smile?

This morning at mass, I had to take Gabriel outside for time-outs five times, at least. It was kind of a I’m Too Embarrassed and Tired to Keep Count Anymore kind of thing. Michael relieved me of Disciplinarian Duty after that and handed me Baby Girl for the rest of the time. Gabe was just in fine Two-And-A-Half-Year-Old-Toddler form this morning! I really tried to smile through it all, though, as best I could. And beyond a doubt the Lord poured the grace of Patience out on me in abundance today. He even poured the grace of Teamwork out on Michael and I as we handled the kids together. For that, I am thankful!

My efforts to smile this morning had purpose. There are millions of people in this world who would do anything to “suffer” through that trying mass time with my toddler this morning. There are millions of people fighting cancer, fighting wars, dealing with death and disease and evil.

And I knew this, even in the middle of it all.

My smile offered those moments to God to do with as He would. To pour grace not only on me and my husband and children, but grace to whomever else He chose in all of this suffering world.

In the grand scheme of things, my troubles are not so bad. In the grand scheme of things, our God is so wise, so generous, and so great that He may choose to use the small effort of my smile in my little challenges to work powerful good in the lives of others.

I need to trust that! And so do we all.

The everyday trials and challenges of our lives, whoever we are, really do have meaning and purpose if we offer them with a “trustful smile as we spiritually sit at the foot of the Cross while accepting our own small sharing in it.”

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