Why I'm not telling my children to "follow your heart"

The turning point in this cradle Catholic’s re-conversion to her faith was when I heard something at a retreat during high school: “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).

The all-consuming desires of my heart at that time of my life involved getting my Big Crush to ask me to homecoming (he didn’t) and competing in dressage shows with my horse Orion (we did).

I remember vividly at that high school retreat having a powerful, joy-filled, heart-pounding moment of grace in which I realized that God loved me and that God had Big Plans for my life. Beyond the silly homecoming dance, God had a wonderful man in my future to fall madly in love with me and be my husband. And beyond training and showing my horse, God had great things for me to work for and accomplish in my life.

I realized that I had to focus my life on Him, and the rest would come to me, even things I didn’t know were desires yet.

Not that seeking your own happiness is always a bad thing. I certainly want to be happy. Actually, you could say that I believe that my best chance for happiness is with God. But with God, I have learned that happiness is linked with growing in all of those virtues that are to be found in fixing the focal point of your life outside of yourself and in God.

There are a lot of people out there, and in every age of history, for whom the advice to “follow your heart” hasn’t worked out very well. (In fact, the only people I’ve ever heard of who find success by following their hearts alone are Disney princesses.) I am not going to tell my children to go through life “following their heart.” I am going to tell them to go through life “[doing] whatever He tells you.”

Even though I’ve probably made a few detours from God’s will since that retreat in high school, and even though my life now is oh-so-far from perfect by the world’s standards (and sometimes mine!), I have no regrets about that day that I chose to re-focus my life on Him for good.

For me, what points over and over again to God is the lives the of the saints. These are real people, historical people and modern people too, who lived amazing, surprising, fruitful, holy lives. Their lives were as full of meaning, purpose and love as they could possibly be during the their time on earth. Furthermore, intense and sometimes shocking suffering and trial only strengthened the meaning, purpose and love in their lives.

That’s what I want for me and what I want for my kids: the kind of hope that guarantees us eternal happiness no matter what comes our way. The kind of hope that doesn’t rely on the luck of the draw–or our own strength–to make this one-shot life of ours “happy.”

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Comments

Shalom Tidings says

April 16, 2015 at 11:47 pm

Erin:

Greetings in Christ!

I've sent you an e-mail from tidings@shalomworld.org. Can you please review it when you get an opportunity? Thank you. Praise the Lord!

- Erin Franco says
  
  April 22, 2015 at 3:30 pm
  
  I received your email and would be honored to be included in Shalom Tidings.:) How did you find my blog?
  
Katie @ The Catholic Wife says

March 9, 2015 at 4:54 am

"…intense and sometimes shocking suffering and trial only strengthened the meaning, purpose and love in their lives." So so so true. I hesitate to say I detest the idea of "following your heart," but I come pretty close. To me it holds emotion above reason and though both can be clouded, reason is more…reasonable. I feel better about life when I make my heart follow my head.

Well written, Erin!

- Erin Franco says
  
  March 10, 2015 at 1:06 am
  
  Thank you, Katie! I like how you explain That you "make your heart follow your head." We have to strive for the kind of ongoing, intentional spiritual formation that provides that right mind.