Order in the house!

I have gotten a lot of advice about not worrying so much about the state of my home. It’s the implied idea that dirty floors and general chaos and exhausted parents mean happy kids…or something like that. 

Well, friends, I will not go gently into that good night. My thought is that kids can also thrive in a house where things have a place and people pick up after themselves, but nobody gets her nose out of joint if things aren’t perfect. Don’t get me wrong, that “good night” is inevitable, and it’s very much already here for my family. I just don’t think it’s impossible for me to put a little helpful structure into recurring chores and tasks of life. 

General order in the home may not be possible all of the time for me or anyone else in my shoes, but I don’t believe God intends chaos and exhaustion for the entire time I am the mother of small children. I think raising kids who can appreciate a little order in the home is a gift to their future spouses, employers and families. Besides, where God is, there is order. Just look at any part of Creation. Or the daily life of any saint. Order is kind of His fingerprint.

Striving for order in my home is part of my “mother’s rule of life,” and it is an ongoing struggle and gift I give to God and to my family. The idea of establishing some order in the home, of taking seriously the vocation of caring for a home and family, is an idea that I first learned from friends and then read more about in Holly Pierlot’s A Mother’s Rule of Life.

Of course, how “well” the work of the home is done is going to differ from one momma to another. For example, I can’t remember when I last scrubbed a single baseboard…but another mother would make sure she does that every couple of months. A woman’s personality, her job situation, her children, her health, and even her husband’s likes and dislikes are just a few of the things that can really make a difference in what is possible or reasonable for her as a homemaker. There are seasons when you have to order pizza, take a nap while the kids are sleeping, and let some things go for a while. And then there are seasons where God calls you back to the fact that your vocation is beautifully, intimately connected with the good work of the home, and he tells you every-so-gently that it’s time to buckle down again, expand your heart, and get a little more disciplined with things.

Now for a few practical tips I try to put into practice.

The absolute most important thing I do to put order into the work of my home is to pray before the day starts. I have to be right with God for the graces to start flowing for the day! This means I generally try to get up in the morning about an hour before the kids wake up to pray and have some time to get things started for the day. I am NOT always perfect at this! (If getting up early isn’t feasible for you right now, a  friend of mine waits until after the kids have had a little breakfast, and then she sends the kids to play in their rooms for a few minutes while she drinks her coffee and reads her Bible. Also, sometimes I put on a DVD after breakfast so I can get some quiet time in.) Anyway, starting the day by offering it to God, through and with Our Lady, is so helpful. It gets my heart on track for the day.

The second most important thing I do to establish order in the day is to keep a to-do list on the fridge, a new one each day. I write down everything that I have scheduled for that day: appointments, playdates, housework, meal plans, etc. I even write things like “trim kids’ nails” or “find Faith’s other boot.” If I don’t get something done, then I roll it over to the next day. I try to print out a week of lists at a time, and I use a clip magnet to hold the stack together on the fridge. I fill out the list either the night before or before the kids wake up in the morning. Over time, I have slowly worked out which day(s) of the week are laundry days, which days I clean bathrooms, dust, etc. Every week is different schedule-wise with our family activities, but I have a flexible approach to planning chores and meals that makes sure I plan ahead to block out the appropriate time I need to get things done no matter what.

There are two things that I want to share with you that I add to my to-do list every day. First, I have Colossians 3:23 posted at the top of the page: “Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as if for God and not for men.” Such a helpful, holy verse for getting my heart on track and keeping it there! I read a great article recently that talked about how the work of the home is not holy in itself. The grace of God, asked for and used by us in our work for His glory alone, is what sanctifies the daily activities of family life.

Secondly, when you are writing your to-do list for the day, pray this prayer: “Lord, what do You need me to accomplish today?” Sometimes, this little prayer can really call you back to perspective or even to discipline. There have been times that I have prayed this prayer even later in the day and I suddenly realized that what I needed to do was order a pizza for dinner, clean the kitchen for the last time that day, and then sit and play with my children. There have also been times when I realized that what I needed to do was postpone a couple of things for another day and, instead, plan to spend the evening with my husband.

As a still-youngish mother I am always trying to pick up tips from older families that I admire. What I have seen so far in the homes of some great older families is consistency in the basics of housework and meals, for one. Practically speaking, no one is going to be be happy if meals are never on time, if the pantry isn’t stocked, if uniforms and work clothes aren’t cleaned and ready to go in the morning. Just making sure that food and clothing chores are done consistently is a huge task in itself!  I think that Necessity is often the mother of self-discipline as well as a deep prayer life. I have been struck by the number of older moms I know who have deep prayer lives and incredible self-discipline.

As far as the discipline of daily prayer goes, it’s kind of a sink-or-swim kind of thing for me. As in, I do it or I sink.:) God has permitted some specific challenges in my life currently that make me fall into His arms in prayer, trust and surrender every single day. I have certainly spent some time sinking under the weight of it all, but He keeps bringing me back, nudging me along, and making straight my path little by little.

I feel compelled to share again that probably the greatest of my challenges right now is that I don’t have a home of my own, haven’t had a home for more than a year, and don’t know when exactly I’ll have one again. And there’s more. Drumroll…we have been living with my {amazing} parents all this time. Shocking? Especially since you just read this cool post on home management? This moment of my life includes my parents, of course, but includes them in a more intimate way while we live with them. My cooking and cleaning and marriage and routines with the children have an audience every single day. An extremely supportive and charitable audience, but an audience all the same. That has really been a refining experience for me.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned from this time of my life so far is that it’s not about the house. It’s about seeking to bring God more deeply into the constant interactions of your family: eating, cooking, cleaning, playing, laughing, disciplining, praying, learning, loving. It’s about taking responsibility for bringing God as much into your family life, your marriage and your own heart as you possibly can in this moment of your life. 

May God bless each of you abundantly, and may He guide you in perseverance and wisdom in the beautiful work of making orderly, loving, God-centered homes for your families.