I’ve been operating at less than 100% for the past few months–between terrific morning sickness and particularly hardy strains of colds constantly laying siege to my family. I am happy to say that I am feeling much better the last couple of days, and we are all nearing the ends of our respective colds I think (hence this blog post!:). I’m now at a point, in fact, where I am starting to be able to reflect on these past weeks a little.
As I sit and type this tonight, I keep going back to the idea of tunnel vision. I definitely feel like I’ve been in a tunnel lately–complete with a real case of tunnel vision! I feel like my life has been simplified to taking care of the people and things inside my home.
I sometimes couldn’t see much over these last weeks beyond getting through things day-to-day, but I am realizing now that God always put what He wanted me to focus on right in my line of sight. Many times, that was taking care of my family and taking care of myself (and my tiny unborn baby).
I admit that I didn’t (don’t) always pay attention to what God was gently asking me to focus my small energies on. Sometimes in a spurt of oh-I-actually-feel-up-to-getting-off-the-couch energy I’d spend 20 minutes getting dressed or cleaning something with the kids fighting and fussing at my heels–rather than playing with them and properly disciplining them. Sometimes I would use the last of my energy at night to pick up toys (they explode the next morning again at 7:13am anyway!) or mop the kitchen (my white tile floor in the kitchen drives me bonkers!)–rather than spend time with my husband.
Something else I keep thinking about regarding the idea of tunnel vision: tunnels and trials are created–or permitted–by a loving, all-knowing God. They don’t go on forever. The things I had to give up or let go of for these few weeks of being sick are still here, waiting, now that I’m feeling better. God knew they could wait.
I pray that I will be just a little bit better at loving and living through the next trial I go through in my life. So many people I know are going through worse than a little morning sickness and a case (or two or four) of the common cold. I pray that I have learned just a little bit about the grace some of my friends and acquaintances walk in every day.
God’s peace be with you, His grace be over you, His blessings be on you.