Erin Franco

How to melt your husband (and count your blessings)

Humble Handmaid· Marriage

I’ll admit that things have been a little rocky lately with me and my St. Joseph. All of the stresses we have been under for the past couple of months or so have slipped us into “let’s just get this (kids’ bathtime, paperwork, errands) done” mode most of the time, leaving little room for warm fuzzy feelings.

By the mercy of God, I’ve been digging slowly out of our little rut though. In prayer, I feel like the Holy Spirit has kept presenting me with one idea in particular: take care of him. 


For a while, each time I came across this idea during these past weeks, I would instantly rebel. My mind would start racing with bitter, despairing thoughts. “Well, who exactly is taking care of me?! I am drowning most days trying to take care of a thousand and one things with the sale of our business and the sale of our house and fighting the phone system to change the billing address for our health insurance and paying an overdue bill and I have three children under four years old in tow who need three meals and two snacks a day and the baby eats solids like a horse all of a sudden and the kids by the way are watching so much Super Why and Dinosaur Train and Veggie Tales that I could just about burst into tears THIS VERY SECOND.”

God is so patient. And understanding. He knew that I knew the Truth here: He’s taking good care of me right now.

I forced myself in prayer to count my blessings. Such a simple exercise…but one I dreaded. I resisted the ways God was sustaining me because I didn’t want to admit that God’s generosity in this time overshadows my sufferings. 

A few highlights of my Lord’s generosity to me:

  • My husband has a good new job, and he is enjoying it and excelling at it already. Our family has a brighter and more secure financial future than we had just three months ago. 
  • We’re staying with my parents right now, as much out of real need as out of the desire not to rush into a new place to live. My parents are being so supportive, respectful, and generous to us that I want to shout it from the rooftops. 
  • Did I mention Michael and I both get along really, really well with my parents? 
  • My mom works part-time and chooses her own hours, which means she is around enough of the time to be a huge help to me, and away enough to give both her and me a little breathing room.
  • I have built-in babysitters in two precious younger siblings who are in college at LSU just fifteen minutes away, not to mention a darling aunt five minutes away who is the most cheerful servant you have ever met. 
  • I have been able to start jogging again. I have really enjoyed being able to get some exercise and spend some time alone, puttering along in my old-woman jogging gait listening blissfully to Pride and Prejudice on my audio books app. 
  • My sister Shannon drove in this week and took me out for coffee and girl talk to get away for a few hours. 
  • I have reconnected lately with several old friends who have kids the same ages as mine and who have been so kind to me, not to mention good listeners. 
We finally closed just yesterday on the sale of our old house. I praise God for the relative swiftness of the sale and for the precious memories we made there. 
On to the melting your husband part though.
Once I began to get over myself a little, I realized that I did have the energy to take care of my husband–at least more purposefully and cheerfully than I was. I also realized that he needs me to be extra-sweet to him right now. He is under a lot of stress too, after all. 
So much of taking care of Michael is just quiet thoughtfulness and good listening.
A cold Coke in the fridge for when he gets home from work. Making red beans and rice (his favorite) every Monday (just like his mom used to). Putting a couple of Ibuprofen in his lunch bag in case he has a headache again like yesterday. Sitting next to him on the couch and watching a TV show (instead of folding laundry). Getting the kids riled up to run screaming and laughing into his arms when he walks in the door in the afternoon.
I think that a really important part of husband-melting is respect. In my particular case, I needed to become more aware of and then fix disrespectful ways I speak to him–even and especially down to my subtlest tones of voice. We all know that the same question or statement can be said in several different ways, with certain things implied or communicated more or less. There’s the I-wish-you-had-already-offered-to-help-me-with-this way. There’s the stop-being-such-a-weenie-you-don’t-hear-me-complaining-about-a-little-poop way. We ladies are experts at saying things in a way that implies more than we say. 
All of that is not lost on our husbands. It makes them tired just thinking about coming home every day only to be found wanting. It certainly doesn’t warm their hearts or make them want to bring home flowers. I am so guilty of forgetting, in the toughest moments of struggle in our everyday life, that my husband is a good-willed man who doesn’t premeditate on ways to be a slacker husband. A lot of times it just doesn’t occur to him at all to do or say something that I wish he would do or say. And a lot of times my expectations are too high and my own self-knowledge is so lacking that I am too hard on him. 
I really encourage you this week to do something small to take care of your husband. Warm his heart with your sweetness. I know that’s a really, really hard thing to do sometimes when things are off. Trust me. But we have to choose to love, which means that sometimes we have to be sweet on purpose. 
God blesses our efforts in marriage. We cannot out-give God! As a fellow blogger so beautifully put it recently: “Our marriage has as much potential as God has power.”
Maybe it will take a little while for your husband to melt again. Or just maybe…he will bring you these. 

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Ali says

    This came at just the perfect time and you definitely hit the nail on the head when speaking of the tones we can take when talking to our husbands.

    "There's the I-wish-you-had-already-offered-to-help-me-with-this way. There's the stop-being-such-a-weenie-you-don't-hear-me-complaining-about-a-little-poop way. We ladies are experts at saying things in a way that implies more than we say."

    Its definitely something I need to work on the above statement myself and its humbling to realize that they want to be good husbands just as much as we want to be good wives. =)
    Thanks for sharing Erin!

    Reply

  3. canadiancatholicmom says

    So beautifully written, and such a very important topic!
    "my husband is a good-willed man who doesn't premeditate on ways to be a slacker husband". This, so very much this! So often I find myself over thinking everything, and assuming what he is doing is on purpose, but really it isn't. And if I simply ask him to take out the trash, or fold that pile of laundry while I do something else, he is so happy to do it for me. I just have to ask him, instead of get mad over the fact he is sitting there not doing it, when he doesn't even know I want his help.

    I try to put little treats in my husband lunch a couple times a week. Such a simple thing, but I always get a phone call/text/email at lunch thanking me for the few jelly beans or chocolates tucked in next to his veggie sticks or sandwich. It truly is the little things.

    Reply

    • Erin Franco says

      You sound like such a lovely person and wonderful wife. 🙂 I agree so much that it is the little things. It is all of those little things that form our souls though, I think…all of that repetition of choosing love, patience, gentleness, faithfulness and kindness over something else. I try to thank God for the challenges that he permits in my life because I know that He allows them for the good work they give him the opportunity to do in my soul.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *