My fifth child is on his way, and he is kicking and rolling around as we speak. I am grinning as I type this in the coffee shop down the street from my house, because this baby truly seems to crave movement. If I sit or lay down, he immediately starts moving. And while I know he is still tiny and delicate–maybe two pounds or so–he feels like he takes up so much of me already.
I write this post for myself. In two months or so when this baby arrives, I want to make sure I remember this:
I have just enough time today to do God’s will for today.”
When I’m spending hours a day looking at unfolded laundry and toys and the stuff of daily life sprayed across my house while I nurse a new baby boy.
When I take out a freezer meal for dinner one-handed (because I’m holding a classic five o’clock fussing Franco) and I have to gently shove dishes and apple cores and dress-up beads and a broken Spiderman watch and a still-open peanut butter jar out of the way so that I can put the bag on the counter to thaw.
When I write down a somewhat important to-do item on next week’s agenda, again.
Yes, when I’m again in that forever-feeling season of round-the-clock nursing and adjusting to taking an additional little person with me everywhere I go and not-getting-much-done-around-the-house (compared to now), may I remember that God will provide the time for what He truly is asking me to accomplish each day, even if there are thirteen pairs of shoes by the back door and my crawling one-year-old finds both three-day-old fig bar pieces and dust bunnies under the kitchen table.
I have just enough time today to do God’s will for today.
I won’t get everything right this time as a new mom. I’ll probably still cry a lot. I’ll probably still lose my temper more easily with the big kids. I’ll probably still be a little stressed that my house is messy so much more of the time than before.
But may I let an honest acceptance of God’s to-do list for me each day give me peace. May I remember that this too shall pass. And may I trust that good enough is enough, especially when paired with God’s grace.
And one more thing. May I enjoy my baby son as much as I enjoyed his siblings, so that when I can’t give him five hundred kisses a day (I mean, seriously Mom?!), or sing silly lullabies to him (because, Mom, that’s sooo annoying), or even see him every day (because Mom, I got accepted to my dream college five hours away!), I will not be able to regret that I didn’t delight in him enough.
Well, you got me teary with this post. I hear what you are saying about your circumstances, but for reasons in my life I have exactly he same thing going on. I have a condition that almost feels crippling, it zaps my energy, plays havoc with my mind, leaves me completely overwhelmed and the only thing I can do is stop and rest, a shower can use up all my good energy for a couple of hours on bad days. The smoke covered skies from all the fires this summer has less oxygen in it and does the same, feels like I’m wading thru mud. For so long I have believed that the saying: “God never gives me more than I can handle, He must think I am way stronger than I am.” is just everyone’s ego at work. Not everything presented to us is God given and therefore we must be more discerning than we are, not running on empty being too busy. What you have just written tells me that my belief is very true and when I did a big declutter and started simplifying my life to accommodate my condition that God would still give me ‘time and energy to do God’s will today.’ Thank you for the confirmation. I’m going to write it out and post this prominently so I can read it when I need to be reminded. You seem to have such good sentiments in your posts that I’m glad I always read them. Bless you, dear Erin.
So beautiful! I’m the crawling-one-year-old-eating-days-old-food-off-the-floor stage with my third right now… I’m going to try to keep your lovely insights in mind and ask God to help me do His will for the day! Thanks for posting 🙂
Kristin, please excuse me for just now seeing your comment! I’m not the most on-top-of-things blogger at the moment!:) I steal moments away from the house here and there to write, then I barely get on my laptop between visits to the coffee shop! Thank you so much for your comment.:) My own one-year-old is so adorable and precious…BUT it’s a challenge to chase him around sometimes! You know.:) My mom is letting me borrow a big six-sided playpen she had, and I’m finding I use it more and more these days!